Made To Crave Day 5

Chapter 2 Replacing My Cravings personal reflection questions:

1. When it comes to your relationship with food, what repeated behaviours or events describe the cycle you experience and feel powerless to stop? I will do great seating right and exercising for a week and then I just bomb! I crave whatever and I eat whatever I crave...which is usually a ton of food. Then the next week I am up again or won't go to weigh in because I'm mad at myself. This makes it really hard to lose weight. Then when I finally get down 20ish lbs I'll think, I can do this on my own, and then I stop going to my meetings and weigh ins and i gain back all the lbs plus some. 

2. What reasons give your desire to eat healthier? Do these reasons give your struggles with food a purpose strong enough to help you resist unhealthy eating? How do you respond to the statement "I had to see the purpose of my struggle as something more than wearing smaller sizes and getting compliments from others.... It had to be about something more than just me"? I want to be able to do things and not have my weight or lack of fitness stopping me. I want to be able to go to any normal store and fit the clothes, I don't want to feel self conscious, I want to be healthy. No, they don't have a strong enough pull on me to keep me away from food. Over the past 6 months I have seen the amazing power that food has over me. It is terrible, that is one reason I've decided to do this study, not to be a size 6, but to be able to live without that need for food.  I knew food was bigger then God to me but I felt helpless to do something about it until now. I feel like these are the tools I need and the motivation I need to stop foods control. So my big strong motivation? That food would have a healthy place in my life and God would reign once again. 

3. Consider your eating experiences over the last few days or week. Using the list below can you recall specific situations in which you turned to food for these reasons?

• Comfort

I was sick last thursday-saturday, just a bad cold, but man was i feeling bad. Because it was a cold I still felt hungry but healthy food was not going to give me the comfort I wanted. So empty carbs it was. 

• Reward

I don't know that I've experienced eating for reward THIS week. However I know this is something I do on quite a regular basis. My biggest one is that when I do well losing weight one week I reward myself by allowing myself to eat whatever that day... how does that make any sense? eat away my weight loss to reward myself. 

• Joy

I associate eating with joy. Growing up and still to this day my family has family celebrations for any holiday and they are fun! I have always associated eating with those times and so when I'm celebrating or joyful/excited about something I feel I need to eat as a way to commemorate that time. 

• Stress

I do respite for a living and this past weekend... while sick... I made home-made cheese buns. Lets just say when the going got tough the cheese buns "fixed" it for me. 

• Sadness

You know I wouldn't say I'm a sad person in general so I don't know that eating because I'm sad is something I deal with often. However I am an emotional eater so I'm sure that food would "fix" me when I'm sad too. 

• Happiness

This might be the one time I don't turn to food right way. I do over eat when I'm with friends, family, celebrating, out for dinner etc. However if I was home alone and found out something that made me happy I would turn to other things before food for sure. 

Keeping the same situations in mind, how do you imagine your experiences might have been different if you had relied on God, craved God, instead of turning to food?
Alright so I guess I'm looking at the comfort and the stress. Yes, it would have been different, would it have been perfect I can't tell you but I know that if I had relied on God to help me through those cravings he wouldn't have let me down. I can think of at least one incident a day since starting made to crave where the "old me" would have eaten extra, binged etc. but instead I said a prayer and was given that power to walk on!

4. How do you respond to the idea of using your cravings as a prompt to pray? How has prayer helped or failed to your previous food battles?
This is the best tool I have gotten so far! It has worked wonders! A) if I ask God to give me the strength I need to walk away, throw something out, just not touch. I need to rely that he will deliver. B) I know if I pray then go and eat a,b and c then I'm sinning and I'm going against what god has asked of me. 
Previously I've never really used prayer consistently so I can't really say it's done much. 

5.  In your battles with food, are you more likely to choose a drastic, quick-fix approach or a moderate but longer-term approach? What thoughts or feelings emerge when you consider dismantling your own tower of impossibility one craving at a time? I am more likely to pick the moderate long term approach but I want to drastic results. I feel so excited to know that with God helping me I have to power to say no to food, no to my cravings and use that as a way to glorify God. Every time I'm saying no, every prayer of help or thankful ness I'm sending up, I'm one step, one brick, closer to God regaining reign in me. 

Prayer:
Lord, the work you are already doing in me is amazing! it's phenomenal how when one of your children decides yes I'm ready, here I am Lord, shape me, you don't say no. You are here shaping me, giving me the power I need over food. I thank you Lord, that you are empowering me in a way I have never felt before. I are giving me the drive I need to go to the gym, to get out running, to want to spend time walking. Lord, my craving for food is still there but you have helped keep it manageable. And I thank you for that. Lord, I pray as I go on today that you would continue to give me the strength I need to stick to the plan. That no matter what # the scale gives me I'll be able to see your glory and power and the great changes you have made it me through that. I pray that I will continue to remain strong that my usual Thursday binge will be a thing of the past and that your power and your might will over come that and that it won't even be a temptation. I thank you Lord, that you are helping me to understand the woman I am and see deeper into my issues. Lord, the fact that I can dissect some of my issues is a huge blessing and being able to do so I believe is one tool that will help me to be successful in the long run. Lord, your faithfulness just blows my mind. Thank you for not giving up on me and for shaping me in to the Woman of God you want me to be. Amen

Victories: 

I helped out at a lunch at my church yesterday. I knew that the food that they were going to be serving wasn't food that would fit into my meal plan so I packed a lunch! Then I spent a quick minute praying  before I left asking God to give me the power to say no to all the other food. I did it! I made it through without eating even one of those yummy looking chocolate cookies.  

Went for my second run today. It was a bit harder then the first but totally doable! 

Made To Crave Day 4

Today I was back to reading the book, chapter 2 Replacing My Cravings. Because I have already read this book There are things that I had picked up previously that carried into this session. One of those things, the key to this chapter, is prayer. When I am tempted to go off plan pray, when I screw up pray even it it means praying until there is no energy left in you do it! This chapter also covered the fact that the author loved food more then God. I know some people struggle and deny when they hear this statement, not me, I've known it to be true for a while. I was just struggling on how to get from that to God first. I tried many different things , devos, church, missions etc. but Lisa suggests that I do one thing, Pray! When I'm tempted to put food in my mouth that isn't within my plan I am to pray and resist temptation. Over time God will win that battle for me and as I replace my cravings with him he will regain his spot as Lord of my life.
Lisa also made a good point that when we're not following God and instead we're relying on something else for our strength, comfort, joy etc. we're not going to be where God wants us to be. We're going to be missing out on things, one of those things being an abundant life!  Alright so more prayer and fervent prayer when it's needed!

Victories:
Went out for lunch with mom and got a healthy salad. When I got full I packed up the rest to come home!

Prayer: Lord, I thank you that you're always here you're always there for me. You're never far away and you want to help me through this. You don't want me to be a glutton, you don't want me to rely on food you want me to have you as my rock not chocolate. I thank you Lord, that you are right there helping me out. That when I want to keep eating that popcorn or I want an extra snack etc. you are there ready to carry me through it. I know it's still going to get harder before it gets easier but I thank you that you are willing to spend the time you need to in order for me to be successful in putting you back as Lord of my life. I pray as I go to the church today that you will be with me. As I see those chocolate cookies, or want to try just a bit of what we're serving for lunch help me to remember this is so much bigger then a smaller pant size. This is about me getting right with you. This is about me taking food and Satan off the throne in my heart and replacing them with you. Lord, give me the strength to do this because I can tell you my strength is not enough to make it out of there unscathed. Lord, I also know that I'm a little over tired today I pray that even though my resolve will be weakened and my cravings will be stronger that you carry me through that, that your power will cover my resolve so that is is unbreakable. Thank you Lord, that you want this just as much as I do, if not more. You want me to be right with you, you long to be #1 in my life and thank you that together we will get there. Amen

Made To Crave Day 3

Yesterday I read chapter 1 of Made to Crave. Today I'm going to be taking time to reflect more on that chapter by answering the questions at the end of the chapter.

1. One weight loss company personifies cravings as a little orange monster that chases us around, tempting us to eat unhealthy foods. Take a moment to reflect on your own experience of craving, recently and over time.

• If you could personify your cravings based on your experience of it what form might it take? 

Not a little orange fuzzy monster that's for sure. Maybe a grizzly bear, or a scysophrinic with a gun and a knife! When I crave there is not much that can stop me from eating what I want and if it's not there I go a little crazy! It's way out of control for sure!

• If you could sit down and have a conversation with this imaginary craving, what do you think it would say? What questions would you ask it? and how would it respond?

That it's been the one there for me over the past 13 years, that it always knows what I need to feel better. That it isn't going down without a dang good fight and that it's not worried since it's always won in the past. How did it get so powerful and out of control? How did it get to the point where even when i say no 5 min latter I find that item in my mouth, sometimes without even realizing it? You needed a friend and I was the one there for you! I made you happy when others couldn't. You've picked me over God time and time again and each time I grow stronger! You always know I'm going to win so I never give up!

 

2. How do you respond to the idea that God made us to crave? Have you ever pursued a craving - a longing, passion or desire - hat made a positive contribution to your life? What do you think distinguishes that kind of craving from the craving that leads you to eat in unhealthy ways?

When I first read this book I thought God had made a sick joke. He made me to want things, anything this much! But this time as I was reading it I was thinking , what if I was able to channel that craving I have for food and replace food with God? Nothing could stop me from worshiping him, serving him, spending time with him, learning about him, NOTHING! And thinking about craving that ways i say, "Praise God!" If my craving was used to be close to God and glorify him then I could say it is one of the biggest blessings I have received. 

I don't know that I've ever followed another craving even close to how I have with food. But the closest I can come to that is my "craving" for my family. I love my family and spend a ton of time with them. I have adopted siblings with special needs and so my family really works together to support my parents so that they can serve in the way God has asked them to. I love my family to bits! I enjoy spending time with them, talking to and about them, serving them. Even a trip to Costco with one of them makes my day. I do believe that this "craving" is beneficial in my life. However I know that if any craving or desire in my life becomes more important than Christ I need to work that out with him.

What distinguishes the two? Well first of all when i give into food cravings I'm not satisfied, I still want more! I feel empty, guilty, like a failure. but when I spend time serving my family I feel like my life has a purpose, like i'm doing something important and making a difference in the world. I feel like when I am with them I'm able to bless others. So to sum it up I would say eating is selfish, empty and causes more problems then it helps with. Family is giving, loving and is doing something bigger then me. HoweverI can say that there are times family is placed before God... okay family is always placed before God right now and seeing it in a way that it's a craving I too have, something that completes me outside of God I need to take time to hone this as well. To take the good out of it but leave the worshiping and cravings on my life for God first! 

3. If it's true that you were made to crave, how might it change the way you understand your cravings? Do you believe there could be any benefits to listening to your cravings rather then trying to silence them? If so what might they be? If not why not?

As I said previously I came to realize that cravings are blessing when channelled in the right way. It depends what I'm craving, but unless it's God he has to be #1 and if my craving is becoming more important then him no there is not benefit. Food is my biggest issue hand down right now and when I crave certain foods it could be telling me about something my body need but generally it's just me wanting crap and it is best to use that time of craving to do something more beneficial then get fatter. 

4. The Bible describes 3 ways Satan tried to lure us away from loving God: cravings, lust of the eyes, and boasting. Lysa explains how Satan used these tactics with both Eve and Jesus. Using the list below think back over the last 24 hours or the last few days to see if you recognize how you have been tempted in similar ways.

• cravings: meeting physical desires outside the will of God.

I have done this for half my life when it comes to food. It comforts me and gives me what I want temporarily. However since I have become more aware of this, in the past few days, I'm finding God's voice more prominent reminding me that I don't need that to satisfy me, in fact it won't. 

• Lust of the eyes: meeting material desires outside the will of God.

I am definitely a spender. I love shopping and buying. As much as I'm a great sale shopper there are times when I'm just shopping for something to do not because of a need. A perfect example is that yesterday I bought  a $30 pair of work out pants, I already have 5 pairs!

• Boasting: meeting need for significance outside the will of God. 

I feel like a horrible person right now! Seriously it seems that each one of these things I have so strongly in my life. I have a real tendency to put others down so that I look better. Or I brag about me and what I'm doing, subtly of course. 

• Out of the 3 which of these is the most difficult to resist? easiest? Why?  

I don't know that I could pick one of the three, I have some major issues in each area. Things that need to be worked on and a chance for God to grow me :)

5. Jesus quotes the truth of scripture to defeat temptation. Have you ever used scripture in this way? What was the result? How do you feel about using this approach to address your unhealthy eating patterns?

I have used scripture when tempted but it's not something I do often. When I have done it I found that it was helpful to remember God's view on the issue. To be honest with you I don't find it always works for me though, there are times when I'm quoting the verse of my body being a temple and then 3 min later I'm back in the kitchen eating that cookie. I think that quoting scripture is a great tool but it also requires me to believe it as truth and for me to want it to change the outcome. I personally have found that when I stop and pray about the issue at hand it is the most effective way for me to break the bad eating habits I've started. 

Victories: Last night I had popcorn with my dinner and I ate my allotted amount and then grabbed more. After eating a couple of pieces I realized i was full. I really wanted more anyways but I didn't do it! I even left it sitting beside me for a while before I threw it away and though I still wanted it I was able to say NO! 

Also went for my first run last night! 

Prayer: Lord the changes you have made in me with my eating even in the pst couple days blows my mind. Thank you! It's not that I don't want things but it's now a fuzzy orange monster not my scitso man. Lord, I know this is going to keep getting harder before it gets easier so I thank you that you are right there with me and you're going to keep me going. Lord thank you for giving me a healthy body that can glorify you by exercising and getting into shape. Lord, please continue to be with me and  teach me during the next 6 weeks. 

Amen

Made To Crave Day 2

Today our challenge was to read chapter 1 and to reflect on it. We were to pick 3 things that jumped out at us... I'm a rule breaker so I picked 4... no in all reality I couldn't decide what 3 were best so 4 it was!

1. I need to praise God, that he made me to crave. It’s a real blessing that I have such a strong desire to be with him… now it just needs to be channelled that way.

2. “What we’re craving depends on what we’re consuming” As I consume more of God he will be what I crave!

3. The more saturated we are in truth the more able we will be to say no to our bad cravings.

4. Jesus could stand up to temptation when he was weak and hungry. Eve had everything she could want and she couldn’t say no to a piece of fruit.

Week 1 Word: Empowerment

Week 1 Verse: Psalm 84:2, My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the Lord, my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God.

Prayer: Lord Jesus, I Thank you that you have given me this time, these next 6 weeks, to focus on you and how you made me for you. Lord, it's such a blessing to see why I do what I do. Why I crave food, why I don't want to spend as much time with you as I know I should. Lord it's because whatever I feed I will crave. When I feed my belly, my vanity, my pride those things will grow and crave more from me. But Lord, when I pour myself into spending time with you I will crave more of you. I will want to stop and talk to you and with you just because. Lord I thank you for showing me this truth. I thank you Lord, that you made me to crave. I thank you that you created me with such strong desires. I pray Lord, that those cravings, those desires would first and foremost be pointed towards you and then with your blessing and your power I will be able to take care of myself and others. Lord, I know that this is going to get hard and that I'm going to want to give up. I'm not going to want to get up so early to do my devotions, I'm not going to want to say no to unbenificial food. Lord, in those times remind me of the big picture. Remind me of your power to over come my weakness. Thank you Jesus that you will be there carrying me through this and that you have defeated satan already. Amen

Victories! 

Made it through day #1 eating in my curves plan! When I wanted something else I would pray and know that was not a choice that would bring glory to God. 

Made To Crave Day 1

It's here! It's finally here! Today is the first day of the  Made to Crave online Bible study. I'm very nervous, I have fears that it's not going to work and I'm going to come out as hopeless as I am now. But then there's the other part of me that is saying FINALLY! This is going to be dealt with! I'm going to figure out how to put God as the god in my life and how I'm going to WANT to do this.

Week 1 Word: Empowerment

Week 1 Verse: Psalm 84:2, My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the Lord, my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God.

My Prayer: Lord, you know that this isn't the first time I've read this book. This isn't the first time I've seen a need to change where I'm at in my life and how I rely on food so greatly. Lord, even yesterday I can see the lack of control I have towards food. If it's there I'll eat it and even when Im telling myself no it still happens. Lord, I 'm so done living like this. I don't care if I'm a size 2 and ripped I just want to be at the point where I don't NEED food. Lord, if I yearned for you the way I yearn for food how amazing would that be? If I couldn't get enough of you and would randomly sit down to read your word, pray etc. just because I was needing more of you, WOW! Lord, that's what I want, I want to want you. I want to crave you so much I just can't seem to get enough. Lord, with food it always leaves me wanting more and feeling emotionally empty. Lord, I want to want you more and more but I know in doing that I won't feel empty and broken I'll feel whole and full of you! Lord, I know you promise that he who comes and drinks from your fountain will never be thirsty again. I want that. Lord I thank you for making me with such strong desires, such strong cravings. Lord, I'm sorry that these haven't been used to worship you or for their true meaning but rather for sin. Lord, I constantly sin against you when I choose food. When food is more then a fuel for my body when it's my craving and my passion I'm wrong to give in. Lord Please forgive me and help me as I take steps in this. Lord, over this next 6 weeks with the help of this study and these ladies Lord break my love for food, "fitness", the numbers on the scale and Lord renew a passion in my heart for you and I know that if I desire you first in my life those other things are going to be manageable and that they are going to be used to fuel my work for you. Lord, I thank you that you don't give up and that you will never give up on me. I thank you that you know everything about me and that I can be real with you. I pray Lord that my desire, my craving for you would grow and that Lord you  would once again regain your role as Lord of my life. Lord, help me to find a healthy place for food, the scale and fitness in my life. A place where they will serve there purpose as fuel and the means to a stronger, healthier body not as a means to worth, happiness or to fill me. Thank you for your unfailing faithfulness. Amen

My Goals: 
Week: 
Memorize the verse of the week
Pray before I eat anything
Start running*

6 Weeks:
Crave God MORE then food
Do 6 things that I find hard but that are worth pushing through

My Victories:
I know it's only day 1 but the fact that I was able to clearly see my dependence on food and how out of control it has become is huge for me! Now that I can really see it I can see my need for a true deep change. Thank you Jesus! 

*So a little sub note on the running. I know that this is first and foremost a struggle to overcome bad eating and replace it with Jesus Christ but I also want this for me to be out of my comfort zone. For me to do doing things that I don't find comfortable and easy. As I have said before I am very much a comfort and lazy person when it comes to life. I don't want to be that person who's content to sit around doing nothing because it's easy. I don't want to be that person who gives up, or only has themselves do things they know that they can do. I want to start pushing myself and show myself that with God on my side I don't need comfortable. This study is one of those things, I'm comfortable being 225lbs and eating what I want when I want to. But I know that settling in that is A) ruining my relationship with Christ and B) turning me into a person who is losing their zeal for life. So back to running, I don't feel that I need to be the best runner I just know that God doesn't want me to be settling for a mediocre life because it's an easy life he wants me to be able to push through the hard times, and when I can't do that he doesn't want me giving up, he wants me to learn on him and allow him to get me through those times. 

I can do it!

A few days ago I had to bring my car in to get some work done. While it was in I decided that I would go for a walk and then I figured I would do an errand to get it out of the way. The errand was a 30 min walk from where the car needed to go in. So off I went, in the rain, for a 30 min walk to sears. It wasn't too bad of a walk on the way there. I got to sears and picked up the decorations my mom wanted... It was one large plastic bag and one paper bag worth of stuff. Then I decided that I would hit up target too... unfortunately the christmas decorations were 90% off. 3 large bags of decorations later I was ready for my 30 min walk back to my car. Turns out when you're carrying that much stuff 30 min turns into 45.

Alright so I walk out the doors at target and realize that it is now raining a lot harder then when I go there.

I could call the dealership for a ride but I'm not going to do that! I'm going to walk back because I needed to finish my walk!

10 min in I thought my arms were going to fall off.

15 min in one of the bags ripped on a telephone pole

20 min in I stepped in a huge puddle and had soaking wet and muddy feet.

25 min... halfway back! and my paper bag got so wet it split right up the side.

Lets just say when I got back to the dealership I looked like a homeless drowned rat! And I couldn't move my arms because they were so sore!  

What did I learn from this? That when I decide I'm going to do something I can! I could have stopped at any point and called the dealership to come get me but I decided to press on and I did it!

Week 1 Update:

Sorry this is a little late, life has gotten busy!

Weight in- down 4.25!

Food- I'm not going to lie this week was about 60% good. I stuck to my eating plan  minus the popcorn at the movie Sunday, Monday I ate a bazillion cookies and tuesday we went to a potluck dinner so I wasn't 100% on plan that night. 

Work outs- I've gotten in my 4 this week and did set up and take down for an event at our church so that has to count for at least one more. Plus I had "The Walk" (I promise a blog post  on that soon!) 

$ - I've been too busy to spend much of it

Devos - I have been doing good keeping my devo time in the mornings. I'm currently going through the geneology of Jesus in Matthew and am reading about each of the people listed. It's taking a while but I'm getting a fresh perspective on some of these people. I also went and picked up the book for my online Bible study that starts in just over a week so I'm all ready! 

My goals for this week:

Weight in- down 3lbs

Food- Actually stick to my plan the whole week!

Work outs- 4 curves work outs

$ - Stick to the budget, maybe go walking rather then shopping

Devos - keep getting up early to spend that time with God. Get through the rest of that geneology!