Friday, April 18, 2014

I'm Andrea and I'm a Food Addict

I went to a weight loss meeting on Tuesday night and it helped me to admit that I am a food addict. It something I've known but to sit there and say out loud, "Yes, I am addicted to food." was very freeing. Then they challenged me with why? Why do I need food? What are the deep issues? This question was/is much harder for me. I didn't have a traumatic upbringing. As far as I remember nothing too bad happened to me. So i had to dig deeper and I started to realize that I've had a problem making friends since I was young. I've always had a couple friends but I felt like I couldn't be 100% real with them. I had to be the person they wanted me to be. Even in my family i felt like this, like  Indeed to be the person I was expected to be. Food was my only friend who didn't expect me to be a certain way and food didn't judge me, it just made me feel good. I can remember my first year of Bible school I stayed in dorms for thanksgiving, I was so upset I didn't have someone to share it with so I bought myself a pumpkin pie and whipping cream and that was my friend for the weekend (like it lasted the weekend). And now this has become my default. I will choose to go home and be alone with food over being out with people. I don't feel like very many people genuinely like me for me now. then I think who am I? do I even know who I really am? or have I spent so much time being the person others expected me to be that I don't know who I truly am any more. This week since becoming more aware of this I have started to notice times I'll be out and thinking about what I'm going to eat when I get home. I can't wait to get home to eat something... THIS IS NOT HOW I WANT TO LIVE! I want to be me, I want to want to be with friends and not rely on food for my comfort but I've done it so long I don't know that I know how to change it. I don't know what I need to do!  

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