Wednesday, May 7, 2014
1. Plan food! On busy days keep it simple!
2. What are my trigger foods and cravings?
3. DO NOT HIDE what I'm eating or when I eat.
4. Copy out Friday's journal and put it up for inspiration.
Then in the evening I went to my OA meeting and we were able to share about our week. We were also given some homework that I think will be very helpful!
I am a sinner, I struggle with idolatry daily but I have been justified in the name of Jesus, I have been washed by his blood so I no longer have to live as an idolater! Christ will help me fight this fight and win!
Tuesday, May 6, 2014
Monday, May 5, 2014
In saying that I hope it comes across that as I'm writing out how my day went I am doing so as a journal and I know that none of this would be possible without the grace and love of Jesus Christ right beside me helping me along.
I did a 30 min run and then ran with mom and heather (1 1/2 and 3 min times 2)
Food: breakfast was awesome then I missed my snack, ate 2 hot dogs and 2 mini bags of chips for lunch, ate a burger, cheese and 2/3 serving of sweet potatoes for my afternoon snack. Then dinner was on plan, but my post church snack was a quesadilla, salsa and greek yogurt, popcorn, 3 cookies and a small cup of hot chocolate... clearly not needed! Why? Busy, stress, relieved to be done work for the weekend, habit, the fact that my eating schedule was crazy out of whack. Or was it me not listening to the prompting of the Holy Spirit to walk away, I didn't need it?
Sunday, May 4, 2014
I did eat 2/3 of a thin crust pizza and a couple dozen small our candies. This wasn't fully an impulse eat I had already decided to have pizza for dinner, I just ate too much of it.
Yesterday I was feeling very high stress. I had the boys and Isaiah and things were very chaotic which doesn't work well for me. I rather then eating I cleaned... good thing the boys were continually making a mess so I had lots to clean up.
Devos for today are on how important it is to take communion seriously. This was a huge gift from Jesus, one which needs to be taken seriously! It's not something that we just do but a time to thank Jesus for everything.
Saturday, May 3, 2014
I think one of the things that more blew me away is the fact that I was able to even bake a cake and I was able to say no to it! Praise God!
Today in my devos I read about how God allows times of trouble to strengthen you but he's a loving God and he will be there to get you out of those situations. There are times we put ourselves in those situations and he's ready to help us out too if we just ask him. Lord, I know this food situation is one out of my control, yet I know I could have come to you much sooner and surrendered it to you for real and worked through my temptation with you. Lord, I pray that this time that is what I do. I pray that this time I put you first and Lord that when food seems to get too much that you would give me the strength but even more so that I would allow you to work through me. That I wouldn't stop your power by giving in in my own weakness. Thank you Lord, Amen
Friday, May 2, 2014
I find when I'm home alone I'm very likely to eat. When I think what I'm feeling before I eat I don't really feel anything. But after I feel content. I just feel a deep desire to get food! I thought that I was worse certain parts of the day but that was not the case yesterday. I also had the tenancy to blame it on lack of sleep but I've been getting 8 hours plus each day. When I want to eat it's not a oh food sounds good it will make me happy thought. It's a GET ME FOOD! That's all I can think of and that's what I need more then anything else right then.
What did I eat you may ask?
lentil burger, coleslaw
pasta and sausage sauce
chicken teryaki stirfry with brown rice
cheese and lentils
Devos this morning was in Ezra and it was when ezra was thanking God for showing the people favour even though they were sinners. The way he explained their in really did something to me. I didn;t realize it before but honestly I don't think I have a proper picture of sin. I think sin and I think forgiveness. I don't think of the sacrifice and the harm it's having on me and others. Ezra was saying that they were so deep in sin they didn't deserve anything. I always think that sin doesn't mean anything and God should overlook it and give me what I want. Lord, I pray today when I'm tempted to sin that you would remind me of the gravity of my actions. Lord, I pray that I would obey you today and that when I sin or am tempted that you would remind me how hurtful that can be. Lord, I pray that you would forgive me for my eating habits. That you would come in and rule them and Lord that I would listen to your voice. Amen
Thursday, May 1, 2014
Once I got home I started to snack a little too much. I ate grapes (LOTS of them), Peanut butter and on a wrap (Twice), and a few (3?) sugar cookies (not iced). Part of this eating was habit, when I cook I snack! When I bake I snack. Part of it was this urge to eat. I was home alone and I didn't feel full enough. After I ate it I felt too full and satisfied but guilty. Guilty that I don't have more control over what I'm doing, guilty I couldn't say no.
Today during my devotions. I read about Jesus healing the leaper. He just came up to Jesus and aid heal me! And Jesus did! My prayer today is that Jesus would begin to heal me. That he would heal me from this compulsion, this disease. That he would do it and that I would worship him for it and live a life that reflects hat he has done for me. This has been my prayer before but I've always been reserved as to what else he wants to do in me. I have wanted him to fix problem A but not touch anything else. Lord, I know it's not easy when you change people, I know it could be incredibly painful but Lord, Im ready to live for you. I'm ready to obey you. Lord, I will do my best but I will need you strength becuase I am weak.
Wednesday, April 30, 2014
Monday, April 28, 2014
One thing I have discovered is that I love being able to excel in exercise and it's something that I want to keep up with and improve at but not to lose weight just because it's something I love. I really want to train for a half marathon. My goals for the near future are running a 5km in under 30 min at the end of June and a 10km in the early fall.
Tuesday, April 22, 2014
Monday, April 21, 2014
What/who do I think I will be once I'm thinner?
I've never been a thin teenager or adult, because of this I don't know who I am when I'm thin. To be honest I've never realistically thought about who I think I would be as a thin person. I've daydreamed, completely unrealistically, about who I could be. But it's time to put aside those completely unrealistic thoughts and think about who I really can be. Thinking about this I honestly don't think my personality will change much when I lose weight if I don't consciously work on it. I don't think that losing weight will make me more friendly or outgoing. If anything I think it will make me more uncomfortable because people give me different attention that I'm not comfortable with.
Who/what do I want to be?
Just because I think losing weight won't change my personality doesn't mean it's not a time when I can concisely try to make changes. I feel that not only will losing the weight help me to be able to change but making a conscious choice to change will help me to be more comfortable to be able to lose weight and not need to hide in my weight.
What changes am I wanting to make you may ask? I want to be a more driven in my work life, health and general life. I want to be less self conscious and worried about what others think about me and just to know that no matter what size I'm awesome and I need to own that! I need to make a point to be more friendly and outgoing. I feel that being more outgoing and friendly will be easier if I worry less about what people think about me. I'm also really excited to become more fit and healthier. Now that I've picked up my running and can really see a change in my strength I'm really excited to see that improve and I realize that eating better is just going to help me excel even more in my physical activity.
So it's great to think that it's who I want to be but I need to make decisions that will get me there. I realize that I'm very busy and most of my evenings are spent at meetings or I'm running. So think week I'm going to find 2 acquaintances at church and say hi.
What am I scared to lose with my weight?
It's my mask, I can think people don't like me, aren't friendly ect. because of my weight not because of who I really am. But really it's me deciding myself that I'm not good enough, not others telling me this. I know that I don't let people in and because I'm closed people aren't friendly back to me. As I lose this weight I need to be okay with people seeing who I really am or I won't be successful.
What's holding me back?
Fear of the unknown. Who am I really? When I lose this weight I won't be able to hide behind it and I don't know what that will mean for me. I am realizing that I need to be open to whatever that is. I need to be willing to open up and let people see who I am, to figure out who I am. It's time to be raw and though it may hurt and feel uncomfortable it will help me be shaped into the woman I really am.
Friday, April 18, 2014
Monday, April 14, 2014
Sunday, April 13, 2014
Saturday, February 15, 2014
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
At times I have wished for another curse but I realized that I was so fortunate, I could struggle with alcoholism, drug use, porn things that are not only detrimental to me but also have a personality altering effect or are hurting others for my pleasure. So thinking about this I realized I've been blessed it's just food. I can identify with people who are struggling in this as well as other areas of life, it's also a blessing as I have been able to go through this process of growing closer to God as I work through my issues.
I don't have to think back too far, it was last night I finished my salad when I was already full. This morning I don't feel too bad about it. But I know that it needs to stand as a reminder to walk away from food when I'm full and to eat slower to I can feel when I'm satisfied. If I could have changed the decision I would have eaten less, yes.
Like I said above I think the occasional overeating of healthy foods is pointing me in the direction of failure. This is something that God is showing me and something that I will clearly need to be more aware of.
Monday, February 10, 2014
Sunday, February 9, 2014
Last week was a great week! I was able to stick to plan and was challenged lots by the study.
1. I lost 2 pounds
2. I ran a long hill!
3. I continued to keep up with the study and really grew from it!
4. I have a few people tell me they that it was obvious I'd lost weight and they were shocked when I only said 12 pounds.
Yesterday was really hard for me. We spend friday night "sleeping" in an airport as we were flying out early saturday morning. I was so tired and I can say I lost my resolve. I ate too much, I think. I don't even know because I wasn't really eating what I should when I should. I can say in that I had a real victory in that I only ate and drank things in my plan, just too much and at the wrong times. Today I realized how important it was to get up and first thing focus on God and the reason I'm losing weight, to grow closer to him.
Work of the week: Truth
Verse of the week:
"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."
2 corinthians 12:9
Goals for the week:
1. 3 curves workouts
2. 3 runs
4. 10,000 steps each day
5. only eat what's in my meal plan
6. do my study every morning
These may seem like basic goals but i'm spending my week at disneyland and so i know I need to go back to basics and remember that these little things are important and skipping them because I'm on vacation is not going to be beneficial, permissible maybe but not beneficial.
Lord, I thank you so much for you grace that covers me when I fail. Lord, I pray your forgiveness for yesterdays over eating. Lord, I pray that you would have me asking myself the questions I need to before I eat and that you would be there giving me the strength I need to say no when things aren't part of my plan. Lord I thank you that your power is made perfect in my weakness. Lord, I could have a whole lot of that weakness this week and I pray that your power would be made perfect in everyone of those situations. Lord, I pray that we would be a blessing to those around us today. That all those we come in contact with will be encouraged and can see you shining through what we do, how we act and what we say. Lord, I thank you so much that we have this opportunity to be back in California and I pray it would be a time of rest and rejuvenation for Heather. That she can forget the stressed of life back home and just let her hair down and truly enjoy everyday we have. Lord, I pray for your strength today and I thank you that you speak the truth to me when i need to hear it. Amen
Friday, February 7, 2014
Lord, I thank you for the love you have give me to move. Lord I thank you that you have pointed me in the direction of exercise that I really enjoy! Lord, I thank you that you have given me a wonderful and supportive family unit when it comes to exercise as they make great workout buddies. Lord, I thank you that you have given me a strong body that is capable of so many things! Lord, I pray that I would continue to push myself as I'm working out and that I would continue to become stronger and healthier because of it. Lord, I pray for this following week and a bit as we go away that I would be able to keep up my exercise and food. That I wouldn't see this as a hiatus but rather that it would be a time to show myself and others that even when we're traveling and eating well can be a challenge it's one that I can win! It's one that I don't need to let get me down and Lord the only way that's going to happen is if you are there to make sure i'm successful! If you're there for me to lean on and if you're there reminding me that I'm doing this for greater things then being slim. I'm doing this so that I can be that much closer to you. Lord, today as I go to weigh in I pray that your will would be done on the scale. That whatever number shows up I would know that I have obeyed you and it's not my work that's got me there but yours and Lord help it not to define me either way. thank you Lord, that this journey means so much to you and that you are willing to walk along side me and give me someone to lean on. Amen
1. Ran 2.5 min at once and did it going up hill!
I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.
2 Timothy 4:7
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
1. We all have at least one physical feature we wish we could change. for some it might be a facial feature like the shape of one's nose; for others it could be breast size or body shape. For Lysa, it's tankles. What is your tankle equivalent? What's your first memory of feeling embarrassed or ashamed by this aspect of your appearance? Are you now more or less at peace with this part of your body or is it still a source of painful dissatisfaction?
My fatness has always been what bothers me the most. I have been overweight since my early teens so it's what I always remember being like. I'm more at peace then I was before but still working on it.
2. When you consider previous efforts to modify your eating habits, what experiences or accomplishments provided your greatest motivation to keep going? Did those motivations ever backfire or become de motivators?
Other peoples expectations of me to do it. Becoming smaller and more attractive. Yes! because neither of them was concrete enough to help me give up food for the long haul. The other thing about doing it for others is when they stop giving you the comments you want it works well to gain and then they will notice you again!
3. As you review each question and reflect back on your eating over the past week, how would you assess your progress? Are there other questions you would like to add to the list
- Did I overeat this week on any day? Not according to my plan
- Did I move more and exercise regularly? YES!
- Do I feel lighter than I did at this time last week? No
- Did I eat is secret or out of anger or frustration? No
- Did I feel that at any time, I ran to food instead of God? Yes
- Before I hopped on the scale, did I think I'd had a successful, God-pleasing week? Yes
Don't define yourself by those things. You are created perfectly! You have a body that is so strong and able to do so many things! Don't undermine that because you think one thing could change. Remember you were created to God, he knit you together in your mothers womb he made you just the way he wanted you. Are you saying God made a mistake? I would pray that they would see who they truly are, a creation of God made by him. And that they would realize that it doesn't matter is their nose is big, they are pasty, they have kankles God knew what he was doing when he made them and he doesn't made mistakes. And that they are loved just the way they are. I need to tell myself these things.
Because my weight has always been my biggest issue physically it's hard for me to think of it as something good. But I guess I could say I could have gotten into more trouble as a skinny. Maybe started dating and making poor decisions there. Or maybe I would have put more emphasis on myself and how I look and to keep in shape and wouldn't have learned the importance of serving others.
The second one hands down. I know that is I don't get to a place where I'm good with my body flaws and all I will just find something else I don't like when my weight is where it should be.
- Instant and painless cosmetic surgery to change one thing about your physical appearance.
- A permanent reorientation of how you think and feel about your body that would enable you to say wholeheartedly, "I've found my beautiful. And I like my beautiful."
1. My exercises water and food were on target!
Lord, I thank you for your love. I thank you that you made me as you wanted me and that even with my imperfections I was made perfect and uniquie. I pray that I would see myself as your creation, your child and not as the girl who needs to lose 70 pounds. Lord I thank you that you have given me this struggle. Lord, I know you allow things to happen at the right time and I thank you that you never make mistakes. Lord, O may never know why you allowed me to be fat for so long before you changed my heart but Lord I know there were/are reasons and for your grace I thank you. Lord. I pray today that you would give me strength to say yes and no and to know what is beneficial and what isn't. Lord, I pray that today you would show me yourself and reveal to me more of myself. Thank you Jesus for the success I have been given in this process. Amen
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
1.What mode do you kick into when you feel like you don't measure up?
- Is this true?
- Is this beneficial?
- Is this necessary?
Lord, today I don't want to pray for myself, I don't want to pray about my weight loss and struggle besides to say I give it to you today. Lord, today I want to take this time to pray for Mr. Molly. Lord he is so sick and it doesn't look promising. Lord, I know that you are the great physician you can heal him, you can heal him in a way the Dr's would say could never happen. Lord, I pray that you would do this that your healing hand would be upon him and that miracles would start to happen. Lord, revive him! Lord, I understand if this is not your will and if it's not Lord, be with his family comfort them in their time of loss. Lord, help this be a time where they can unite and support each other. Lord, if your plan is different then their hopes help them to see that you are good and that your plans are greater then they know. Lord, be there with them right now, giving them a peace that passes understanding and Lord, help them to be a blessing to those around them even in this incredibly hard time of their life. Lord, I life this whole family up to you and I pray that you would be glorified in whatever the outcome may be. Amen
Monday, February 3, 2014
I absolutely love this song on days when I can't see who I am in Christ it really reminds me I'm not defined by my situation but by my Lord!
- I was made by God to do good works. Works that were already figured out before I was born. Ephesians 2:10
- I am a New creation! 2 Corinthians 5:17
- I am a joint heir with Christ! Romans 8:17
- I am an overcomer! Revelations 12:11
- I am strengthened with might according to God's powers. Colossians 1:11
- I am a Child of God. John 1:12
- I am a friend of Jesus. John 15:15
- I am the aroma of Christ. 2 Corinthians 2:15