Wednesday, May 7, 2014

I have been justified!!!!

Yesterday was a crazy busy day! But a good one! I met with my coach in the am and we went over my eating habits from last week. She gave me 4 challenges for this coming week:
1. Plan food! On busy days keep it simple!
2. What are my trigger foods and cravings?
3. DO NOT HIDE what I'm eating or when I eat.
4. Copy out Friday's journal and put it up for inspiration.

Then in the evening I went to my OA meeting and we were able to share about our week. We were also given some homework that I think will be very helpful!

 I am a sinner, I struggle with idolatry daily but I have been justified in the name of Jesus, I have been washed by his blood so I no longer have to live as an idolater! Christ will help me fight this fight and win!

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Cinco de Mayo

Well lets say I'm not feeling so swell on my exercise or eating yesterday. I went to curves! got some steps but not enough. food wise I had a great breakfast, missed my snack and then ate to much for lunch cuz I was starving. I had 1 slice of thin crust pizza and then a peanut butter and jam wrap... in the afternoon I had a bit of chocolate and cheesies, then I had tacos for dinner which wasn't on plan 1000% but it was a good choice for mexican food. And for dinner a frozen banana dipped in milk chocolate and rolled in chopped almonds. Feelings? I was really tired and had my lazy day off kind of a day. It's one of those days I have the habit of going to food when I'm siting and watching tv. I also love mexican food so I always have it on cinco de mayo.


Monday, May 5, 2014


Before I start my food/emotion write up I wanted to talk about my devos. It hits very close to home, yet again especially concerning this blog. It reminded me not to boast in my own power or skill but to boast only in Jesus Christ and what he has done for me. I do find myself saying things like I didn't really good or I can do this or I can do that. Lord, please forgive me those things I do, even good things, mean nothing and boasting on them will not only bring about pride in my heart but it will also take the glory away from You, which is where it all belongs. Lord please forgive me for this and Lord, please remind me when I start to boast that I need to be pointing others towards your greatness and not my own. Amen

In saying that I hope it comes across that as I'm writing out how my day went I am doing so as a journal and I know that none of this would be possible without the grace and love of Jesus Christ right beside me helping me along.

Steps: 16,000
I did a 30 min run and then ran with mom and heather (1 1/2 and 3 min times 2)
Food: breakfast was awesome then I missed my snack, ate 2 hot dogs and 2 mini bags of chips for lunch, ate a burger, cheese and 2/3 serving of sweet potatoes for my afternoon snack. Then dinner was on plan, but my post church snack was a quesadilla, salsa and greek yogurt, popcorn, 3 cookies and a small cup of hot chocolate... clearly not needed! Why? Busy, stress, relieved to be done work for the weekend, habit, the fact that my eating schedule was crazy out of whack. Or was it me not listening to the prompting of the Holy Spirit to walk away, I didn't need it?

Sunday, May 4, 2014

Pizza.. whoops

I got my 15,000 steps... I got over 15,000 steps everyday this week which means I got my itunes gift card!!!! I ate great, right on track, minus pizza for dinner and some candies with it. I made a cake though and didn't eat any and even though I was feeling great STRESS I was able to say no to extra food. I think part of the reason this is getting easier is I feel more full with the food I'm eating but mostly it's when I'm focused in Christ food becomes less significant.

I did eat 2/3 of a thin crust pizza and a couple dozen small our candies. This wasn't fully an impulse eat I had already decided to have pizza for dinner, I just ate too much of it.

Yesterday I was feeling very high stress. I had the boys and Isaiah and things were very chaotic which doesn't work well for me. I rather then eating I cleaned... good thing the boys were continually making a mess so I had lots to clean up.

Devos for today are on how important it is to take communion seriously. This was a huge gift from Jesus, one which needs to be taken seriously! It's not something that we just do but a time to thank Jesus for everything.

Saturday, May 3, 2014

Success In Christ

Yesterday I did GREAT, not in my own power, but in that of Jesus. I ate my breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks all on plan! I was tempted but I was able to say no and I wanted to say no. My devos yesterday reminded me that each time I eat food I don't need I'm sinning and it's serious. Looking at the extra food this way and asking for the strength I needed from God was amazing! Yesterday I didn't go to the guy but I have the boys all weekend so I don't usually on those days. However I did get my 15,000 steps in thanks to my wonderful sister who stayed home with the boys after they were in bed so I could get out.

I think one of the things that more blew me away is the fact that I was able to even bake a cake and I was able to say no to it! Praise God!

Today in my devos I read about how God allows times of trouble to strengthen you but he's a loving God and he will be there to get you out of those situations. There are times we put ourselves in those situations and he's ready to help us out too if we just ask him. Lord, I know this food situation is one out of my control, yet I know I could have come to you much sooner and surrendered it to you for real and worked through my temptation with you. Lord, I pray that this time that is what I do. I pray that this time I put you first and Lord that when food seems to get too much that you would give me the strength but even more so that I would allow you to work through me. That I wouldn't stop your power by giving in in my own weakness. Thank you Lord, Amen

Friday, May 2, 2014

Clearly I Like to Walk

I got 25,000 steps! Went to Curves, ate good meals (though I'm not sure they were on plan). Went out from 3-9 and that really helped me not snack during that time.

I find when I'm home alone I'm very likely to eat. When I think what I'm feeling before I eat I don't really feel anything. But after I feel content. I just feel a deep desire to get food! I thought that I was worse certain parts of the day but that was not the case yesterday. I also had the tenancy to blame it on lack of sleep but I've been getting 8 hours plus each day. When I want to eat it's not a oh food sounds good it will make me happy thought. It's a GET ME FOOD! That's all I can think of and that's what I need more then anything else right then.

What did I eat you may ask?
lentil burger, coleslaw
pasta and sausage sauce
cake tops
chicken teryaki stirfry with brown rice
rice pudding
cheese and lentils

Devos this morning was in Ezra and it was when ezra was thanking God for showing the people favour  even though they were sinners. The way he explained their in really did something to me. I didn;t realize it before but honestly I don't think I have a proper picture of sin. I think sin and I think forgiveness. I don't think of the sacrifice and the harm it's having on me and others. Ezra was saying that they were so deep in sin they didn't deserve anything. I always think that sin doesn't mean anything and God should overlook it and give me what I want. Lord, I pray today when I'm tempted to sin that you would remind me of the gravity of my actions. Lord, I pray that I would obey you today and that when I sin or am tempted that you would remind me how hurtful that can be. Lord, I pray that you would forgive me for my eating habits. That you would come in and rule them and Lord that I would listen to your voice. Amen  

Thursday, May 1, 2014

Some Good, Some Bad and an Amazing Healer

Yesterday was a great morning! I went out shopping with my mom, nephew and niece. I have a great breakfast and lunch and didn't snack on other things! I Got over 15,900 steps and went for a fast, short run with my sister! For dinner I had lentil burgers (2) and a bagged salad from costco with dressing (3 cups).

Once I got home I started to snack a little too much. I ate grapes (LOTS of them), Peanut butter and on a wrap (Twice), and a few (3?) sugar cookies (not iced). Part of this eating was habit, when I cook I snack! When I bake I snack. Part of it was this urge to eat. I was home alone and I didn't feel full enough. After I ate it I felt too full and satisfied but guilty. Guilty that I don't have more control over what I'm doing, guilty I couldn't say no.

Today during my devotions. I read about Jesus healing the leaper. He just came up to Jesus and aid heal me! And Jesus did! My prayer today is that Jesus would begin to heal me. That he would heal me from this compulsion, this disease. That he would do it and that I would worship him for it and live a life that reflects hat he has done for me. This has been my prayer before but I've always been reserved as to what else he wants to do in me. I have wanted him to fix problem A but not touch anything else. Lord, I know it's not easy when you change people, I know it could be incredibly painful but Lord, Im ready to live for you. I'm ready to obey you. Lord, I will do my best but I will need you strength becuase I am weak.

Wednesday, April 30, 2014


Alright I got a lot to catch up on here.
1. I have decided to stop focusing on my weight loss. I realized that I don't think my weight is my problem. It's my compulsive and emotional eating. As long as that is not dealt with there is no way I'm going to lose weight as I'm going to keep eating compulsivley. Even if I do good for a few weeks or months it will return if not dealt with. Saying that I'm not going to go crazy and eat what I want while working on my issues I'm going to aim to stick the the CC diet but do so with a different focus. 

2. I have really felt God calling me these past few weeks. Seriously every time I read my bible, go to church etc it's a verse on how God calls people back to him and they need to remain in him etc. I've really been struggling in my relationship with him. I find myself wanting him to fix my problems but not ruling my life. I know that's not how it works and I'm asking God to change my heart that I would want him to be ruler and king over me. That I will be able to accept that he is Lord and that I would live a life that brings glory to him, Issues and all. 

3. I had my compulsive eating meeting last night and there were a few very enlightening things I took from it. First off my out of control eating is NOT a will power issue, it goes way deeper then that. It's not something that I can decide I'm going to change and poof it's gone. My eating is not something I consciously chose and it's because of many aspects of my life. This is a disease: 

     "a particular quality, habit, or disposition regarded as adversely affecting a person or group of people."

I'm not saying it's not a problem, I'm not saying that its okay it's something that needs to be dealt with, like a disease, it's something that may or may not be cured but it can be stabalized. Just hearing all this gave me hope knowing I'm not a total and utter failure, it's not all my fault. but in all of that there is hope, I'm not going to be stuck here but admitting that I am a compulsive eater who has a very unhealthy relationship with food is the first step and there is hope because I don't have to stay here! 

Monday, April 28, 2014

I like me!

I was thinking today about why I'm doing so poorly on my diet and why I want to lose weight and I realized something. I like me! I don't care if I lose any weight. I'm happy to be the person I am. I feel like I need to lose weight because I think that's what people expect from me. But I realized I don't care it's not about other people it's about me. Saying this I'm not saying that I don't have food issues and I want to work through these but not so that I'm smaller but because food and me aren't healthy. If I develop a healthier relationship with food I might lose weight but that's not my intention. So now my focus won't be on a number it will be on figuring out how me and food can get a healthy relationship. Not quite sure how that's going to happen but it will!
One thing I have discovered is that I  love being able to excel in exercise and it's something that I want to keep up with and improve at but not to lose weight just because it's something I love. I really want to train  for a half marathon. My goals for the near future are running a 5km in under 30 min at the end of June and a 10km in the early fall.

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Andrea + ???? = BFF

After having a quick talk with one of my weight loss coaches today she mentioned that if I'm going to break my best friendship with food I'm going to have to replace it with something. Makes sense but what am I going to replace it with? What do I want to replace it with? It's easy to come up with a list of healthy things to replace it with (exercise, gardening, reading, people etc) but it's a lot harder to figure out something that I will love as much food. I don't have an answer but I definitely have something to think about.

Monday, April 21, 2014

Why Am I So Scared?

So earlier this week I was reflecting on why I use food and I discovered that it's my best friend. Now as I'm figuring out what is holding me back from changing that? What is holding me back from saying no to food? What is it that hold me back from losing weight? Why am I so scared to do it? What am I scared will happen?Anyways I narrowed all those questions down to 4 that I think will help me to start unpacking all this crap.

What/who do I think I will be once I'm thinner?
I've never been a thin teenager or adult, because of this I don't know who I am when I'm thin. To be honest I've never realistically thought about who I think I would be as a thin person. I've daydreamed, completely unrealistically, about who I could be. But it's time to put aside those completely unrealistic thoughts and think about who I really can be. Thinking about this I honestly don't think my personality will change much when I lose weight if I don't consciously work on it. I don't think that losing weight will make me more friendly or outgoing. If anything I think it will make me more uncomfortable because people give me different attention that I'm not comfortable with.

Who/what do I want to be?
Just because I think losing weight won't change my personality doesn't mean it's not a time when I can concisely try to make changes. I feel that not only will losing the weight help me to be able to change but making a conscious choice to change will help me to be more comfortable to be able to lose weight and not need to hide in my weight.

What changes am I wanting to make you may ask? I want to be a more driven in my work life, health and general life. I want to be less self conscious and worried about what others think about me and just to know that no matter what size I'm awesome and I need to own that! I need to make a point to be more friendly and outgoing. I feel that being more outgoing and friendly will be easier if I worry less about what people think about me. I'm also really excited to become more fit and healthier. Now that I've picked up my running and can really see a change in my strength I'm really excited to see that improve and I realize that eating better is just going to help me excel even more in my physical activity.

So it's great to think that it's who I want to be but I need to make decisions that will get me there. I realize that I'm very busy and most of my evenings are spent at meetings or I'm running. So think week I'm going to find 2 acquaintances at church and say hi.

What am I scared to lose with my weight?
It's my mask, I can think people don't like me, aren't friendly ect. because of my weight not because of who I really am. But really it's me deciding myself that I'm not good enough, not others telling me this. I know that I don't let people in and because I'm closed people aren't friendly back to me. As I lose this weight I need to be okay with people seeing who I really am or I won't be successful.

What's holding me back?
Fear of the unknown. Who am I really? When I lose this weight I won't be able to hide behind it and I don't know what that will mean for me. I am realizing that I need to be open to whatever that is. I need to be willing to open up and let people see who I am, to figure out who I am. It's time to be raw and though it may hurt and feel uncomfortable it will help me be shaped into the woman I really am.

Friday, April 18, 2014

If Only

Today I went to the Good Friday service at church and as we were singing the hymns and I was reflecting on the words I realized that I think about food how I should think about God. I would give my everything for food, it consumes me and becomes so important. That's how I know I should feel about God. That's how I want to desire God. I know I don't have all the answers and I know that I have really far to go but I am encouraged that I am starting to see these changes I want in my mind and spirit much more then the physical changes to my body. Thank you Lord that you are working in me and that you are challenging me to change.

I'm Andrea and I'm a Food Addict

I went to a weight loss meeting on Tuesday night and it helped me to admit that I am a food addict. It something I've known but to sit there and say out loud, "Yes, I am addicted to food." was very freeing. Then they challenged me with why? Why do I need food? What are the deep issues? This question was/is much harder for me. I didn't have a traumatic upbringing. As far as I remember nothing too bad happened to me. So i had to dig deeper and I started to realize that I've had a problem making friends since I was young. I've always had a couple friends but I felt like I couldn't be 100% real with them. I had to be the person they wanted me to be. Even in my family i felt like this, like  Indeed to be the person I was expected to be. Food was my only friend who didn't expect me to be a certain way and food didn't judge me, it just made me feel good. I can remember my first year of Bible school I stayed in dorms for thanksgiving, I was so upset I didn't have someone to share it with so I bought myself a pumpkin pie and whipping cream and that was my friend for the weekend (like it lasted the weekend). And now this has become my default. I will choose to go home and be alone with food over being out with people. I don't feel like very many people genuinely like me for me now. then I think who am I? do I even know who I really am? or have I spent so much time being the person others expected me to be that I don't know who I truly am any more. This week since becoming more aware of this I have started to notice times I'll be out and thinking about what I'm going to eat when I get home. I can't wait to get home to eat something... THIS IS NOT HOW I WANT TO LIVE! I want to be me, I want to want to be with friends and not rely on food for my comfort but I've done it so long I don't know that I know how to change it. I don't know what I need to do!  

Monday, April 14, 2014

Back to the Basics

In order to really get closer to Jesus and get back on track with him I feel like I really need to get back to the basics of my relationship with him. Get back to understanding of who Jesus is, who I am in him and how I'm to live because of that. I'm so thankful for a Lord who forgives me and who won't give up on me.

Sunday, April 13, 2014


I'm sitting here eating a chocolate cookie thinking that it's time to start blogging again. I need to start getting my thoughts and feelings out on paper again so that I can work through what I want and how to get there. but before I get all serious and stuff I ran my second 5km today!!!!! The first one was 3 years ago so needless to say it's the longest I've run in a long while.
We ran it in 34:45 (almost 10 min faster then our last 5km!) Goal for the next one you ask? it's in 2 months time and the goal is under 30 min!

Okay so now that we have all celebrated I thought I should give you some numbers as to where I am today over last time I blogged. 
Weight 208 so down 21lbs since just before Christmas
Inches not sure were they sit but I'm down over 23" since December!
Now time to discuss my problems. I have no and I mean no self control again! Why? I use food to  fill my emotional needs, I like the taste of it, it's always been my go to... the list could go on but really it comes down to since I have no self control I need to do something to keep my in check with my lack of self control. Really I've been thinking this for a few weeks and I've come to the conclusion that I need  Ito 
a) clean out my cupboards, fridge and freezer and get rid of the things that I stumble on. Cuz really lets be serious if I eat too much fruit I'm not going to go up on the scale.   
b) be 100% honest with my curves coach and let her know how I'm doing. 
c) Get enough sleep... when I'm tired I will eat anything and I mean anything covered in chocolate. 

All these are great ideas and will help me on the scale but I think my biggest problem is I'm having a hard time being disciplined in spending time with God. I'm not making the time to do this and I know that is causing me to suffer with food again. I find it so hard to be diligent in my relationship with him and I don't know why. But I know when I'm not diligent and I drift apart from him. In the big scheme of things I know that my relationship with Christ should be number one in my life and it's just not at this point. 

Alright so now what am I going to do? right now I'm reading mere christianity and C.S. Lewis says fake it til you make it. Figure out what Christians should do and just do it. Eventually it will become easier and it'll be something you want to do. So
a) Do a bible study every morning
b) spend time in prayer each day... start with 5 min and add a couple min each week
c) find some way to serve someone else each day. 

Alright I got my 2 to do lists and I'm ready to tackle these things! Check back in soon for an update! 

Saturday, February 15, 2014

Lord, I need you

It happened, I fell off the wagon and I mean hard! No little slip up. I fell and 3 days later I still haven't found the wagon to get back on. I knew that this was going to happen at some point but it doesn't hurt any less. Now I'm ticked at myself, I spent 3 days eating whatever I wanted... 2 of them I ate so much I felt sick! It's been a hard week. I'm currently one week into my vacation and I'm finding it incredibly hard to stick to my plan but I was still doing okay. Then I just stopped caring and rather then clinging to God I just said who cares and gave in. It was horrible, Lord I need you! I clearly can not do this on my own.

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Made to crave Week 4 day 3

Today I'm answering the reflection questions from yesterday's chapter.

1. Recall the last special occasion or celebration you attended. What foods were present that you knew probably weren’t good choices for you? If you ate them, how much of your decision was influenced by telling yourself that this was a special situation and deserved an exception? If you passed them by, did you nevertheless resent your choices because it didn’t seem fair?
Christmas is the last big thing I can think of. O there were cheeses, cookies, puff pastries, crackers... I did eat them, lots of them and it was because I was like it's christmas it only comes once a year, I don't have to weight in for a whole week I can eat whatever and then I'll be fine by then. PS for teh record I was up 5pounds after the christmas season.

2. “Temptation doesn’t take kindly to being starved” (Page 101). Have you experienced what it’s like to starve temptation in any area of your life? What happened? How did it make you feel? For example, did you feel peaceful and empowered or like a tug-of-war was raging in your heart?
These past few weeks I have been doing just that. I used to diet 4-5 days a week and eat whatever I wanted the other days. I was constantly justifying my bad choices. But as I've learned to say no and as I've learned to turn to God I have felt so much freedom. Those foods aren't an option any more and I'm not missing them.

3. Lysa says she recognizes that having a pity party is a clue she is relying on her own strength rather than God’s strength rather than God’s strength. What clues you into the fact that you are relying on your own strength in your battles with food?
There are definitely times that I overeat. I eat the right foods I just don't eat the right portions. 

4. Have you ever felt as if issues with food and weight were God’s unfair curse on you or wished your struggle could be with something other food? In what ways might your struggle be beneficial or even blessing?
At times I have wished for another curse but I realized that I was so fortunate, I could struggle with alcoholism, drug use, porn things that are not only detrimental to me but also have a personality altering effect or are hurting others for my pleasure. So thinking about this I realized I've been blessed it's just food. I can identify with people who are struggling in this as well as other areas of life, it's also a blessing as I have been able to go through this process of growing closer to God as I work through my issues.

5. When facing a moment of indecision about food, Lysa recommends thinking beyond the moment by saying, “This feels good now, but how will I feel about this in the morning?” Thinking back to the last time you ate something you later regretted, do you believe asking yourself this question would have changed your decision? Why or why not?
I don't have to think back too far, it was last night I finished my salad when I was already full. This morning I don't feel too bad about it. But I know that it needs to stand as a reminder to walk away from food when I'm full and to eat slower to I can feel when I'm satisfied.  If I could have changed the decision I would have eaten less, yes.

6.  “Compromise built upon equals failure… [P]romise upon promise creates empowerment” (Page 104). Some decisions about food may seem inconsequential in the moment, but even small decisions can have a big impact over time. In which direction are your small decisions about food leading – toward failure or empowerment?
Like I said above I think the occasional overeating of healthy foods is pointing me in the direction of failure. This is something that God is showing me and something that I will clearly need to be more aware of.  

7. “The struggle to say no may be painful in the moment, but it is working out something magnificent within us”  (Page 104). What is the magnificent thing you hope God might do in you through your struggles to say no? 
I was to sense God and know that he is here with me. There are times I just can't feel him. I want to have such a strong relationship with him that there is not doubt in my mind he is with me and he is leading me.  

Fot this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with Love.
2 Peter 1:5-7  

Lord, it is y prayer today that you give me self-control. Lord, that when I'm full I will stop. Lord, I thank you that you have reminded me of these things I pray Lord I would heed them and that I would learn to be obedient to you in this area. Lord be with me today and Lord give me self-control. 

Monday, February 10, 2014

What? Diet on Vacation?

Wow this chapter couldn’t have come at a better time. I’m currently vacation at Disneyland! As I’ve been preparing for this trip I made the decision that I was going to stick to my plan and worked out a menu so I knew how I would stick to it. I don’t know how many people said to me “O, so since your on vacation you can eat whatever you want for 10 days.” I had already decided that I would not do that but reading this chapter has given me a new resolve to stick to my plan and some great tools to do so when it gets tough. I've already written about Saturday, it was tough. But yesterday went really well! This morning I'm going to curves right after I'm done with my study. Although it would be easier to eat whatever  I wanted to I know that this is what is going to benefit me spiritually and physically. The truth? I don't need to eat whatever I want. I just need to eat what I need. 

"Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food." Romans 14:20a

Lord, you are doing such a great work in me. Lord, that fact that for weeks now you have shown me a peace about food I have never been able to find before. Lord, I pray that today you would be there with me helping me to say no to unbeneficial things and yes to those things that are going to draw me closer to you. Lord, as this journey progresses it blows my mind how easy it has  been to lose the weight because you have been so faithful in helping me to see the truth with food. It's not going to fix my problems, it will just create more. Lord, I pray that as this journey continues that I would draw closer to you and Lord that I would know you more intimately as it progresses. Lord, the work your doing in my is a miracle, I have tried on my own and I have never been this successful and felt like cheating as little as this time on the plan, Lord, thank you. And Lord today I pray that you would be with me as we are out, that I would be able to resist all the temptations around and that I would see you in that today.

Sunday, February 9, 2014

Victories and Goals

Hey everyone! Well I am now in California! Because of that I managed to miss yesterdays study so today you get a special on! I'll start with victories and reflections from last week and move onto this coming week and what it just might look like.

Last week was a great week! I was able to stick to plan and was challenged lots by the study.

1. I lost 2 pounds
2. I ran a long hill!
3. I continued to keep up with the study and really grew from it!
4. I have a few people tell me they that it was obvious I'd lost weight and they were shocked when I only said 12 pounds.

Yesterday was really hard for me. We spend friday night "sleeping" in an airport as we were flying out early saturday morning. I was so tired and I can say I lost my resolve. I ate too much, I think. I don't even know because I wasn't really eating what I should when I should. I can say in that I had a real victory in that I only ate and drank things in my plan, just too much and at the wrong times. Today I realized how important it was to get up and first thing focus on God and the reason I'm losing weight, to grow closer to him.


Work of the week: Truth

Verse of the week:
"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."
2 corinthians 12:9

Goals for the week:
1. 3 curves workouts
2. 3 runs
4. 10,000 steps each day
5. only eat what's in my meal plan
6. do my study every morning

These may seem like basic goals but i'm spending my week at disneyland and so i know I need to go back to basics and remember that these little things are important and skipping them because I'm on vacation is not going to be beneficial, permissible maybe but not beneficial.

Lord, I thank you so much for you grace that covers me when I fail. Lord, I pray your forgiveness for yesterdays over eating. Lord, I pray that you would have me asking myself the questions I need to before I eat and that you would be there giving me the strength I need to say no when things aren't part of my plan. Lord I thank you that your power is made perfect in my weakness. Lord, I could have a whole lot of that weakness this week and I pray that your power would be made perfect in everyone of those situations. Lord, I pray that we would be a blessing to those around us today. That all those we come in contact with will be encouraged and can see you shining through what we do, how we act and what we say. Lord, I thank you so much that we have this opportunity to be back in California and I pray it would be a time of rest and rejuvenation for Heather. That she can forget the stressed of life back home and just let her hair down and truly enjoy everyday we have. Lord, I pray for your strength today and I thank you that you speak the truth to me when i need to hear it. Amen

Friday, February 7, 2014

Exercise??? Yes Please!

This probably sounds odd coming from an obese person but
I love to exercise! 
I love going hiking, I love walking, I love going to the gym, I'm even enjoying my learn to run a 5km program! I am so so blessed that God has given me a strong body and a body that responds well to being challenged. I love the fact that in my job I have a lot of free time and I am able to exercise easily without getting up at 4am. Todays chapter in Made to Crave is about how we need to exercise even when we don't enjoy it and I was so fortunate to be able to say, this isn't a problem for me! Thank you Lord!

Lord, I thank you for the love you have give me to move. Lord I thank you that you have pointed me in the direction of exercise that I really enjoy! Lord, I thank you that you have given me a wonderful and supportive family unit when it comes to exercise as they make great workout buddies. Lord, I thank you that you have given me a strong body that is capable of so many things! Lord, I pray that I would continue to push myself as I'm working out and that I would continue to become stronger and healthier because of it. Lord, I pray for this following week and a bit as we go away that I would be able to keep up my exercise and food. That I wouldn't see this as a hiatus but rather that it would be a time to show myself and others that even when we're traveling and eating well can be a challenge it's one that I can win! It's one that I don't need to let get me down and Lord the only way that's going to happen is if you are there to make sure i'm successful! If you're there for me to lean on and if you're there reminding me that I'm doing this for greater things then being slim. I'm doing this so that I can be that much closer to you. Lord, today as I go to weigh in I pray that your will would be done on the scale. That whatever number shows up I would know that I have obeyed you and it's not my work that's got me there but yours and Lord help it not to define me either way. thank you Lord, that this journey means so much to you and  that you are willing to walk along side me and give me someone to lean on. Amen

1. Ran 2.5 min at once and did it going up hill!

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.
2 Timothy 4:7

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

What! How?

I have had a great week following my plan. I have exercised and eaten well. I usually weigh in Monday  and Thursday morning. Thursday is my official weigh in day, monday is my am I on track weigh in day. Well this past Monday I stepped on the scale and I was up a pound! This would have destroyed me a few weeks ago. I would have been so upset and would have cut way back on what I was eating for the next few days. But this time I could get off that scale knowing I did exactly what I was to do and I had so much peace in that. Turns out I was retaining water and am now down. It is amazing knowing that I don't need to find my worth in that number but I can find joy in knowing that I'm following my plan and obeying God. 

Made To Crave Day 18

Chapter 8 reflection questions

1. We all have at least one physical feature we wish we could change. for some it might be a facial feature like the shape of one's nose; for others it could be breast size or body shape. For Lysa, it's tankles. What is your tankle equivalent? What's your first memory of feeling embarrassed or ashamed by this aspect of your appearance? Are you now more or less at peace with this part of your body or is it still a source of painful dissatisfaction?
My fatness has always been what bothers me the most. I have been overweight since my early teens so it's what I always remember being like. I'm more at peace then I was before but still working on it. 

2. When you consider previous efforts to modify your eating habits, what experiences or accomplishments provided your greatest motivation to keep going? Did those motivations ever backfire or become de motivators?
Other peoples expectations of me to do it. Becoming smaller and more attractive. Yes! because neither of them was concrete enough to help me give up food for the long haul. The other thing about doing it for others is when they stop giving you the comments you want it works well to gain and then they will notice you again! 

3. As you review each question and reflect back on your eating over the past week, how would you assess your progress? Are there other questions you would like to add to the list
  • Did I overeat this week on any day? Not according to my plan
  • Did I move more and exercise regularly? YES!
  • Do I feel lighter than I did at this time last week? No
  • Did I eat is secret or out of anger or frustration? No
  • Did I feel that at any time, I ran to food instead of God? Yes
  • Before I hopped on the scale, did I think I'd had a successful, God-pleasing week? Yes
4. Lysa describes how it's possible to park our brains in a place of dissatisfaction about our bodies or to accept our bodies and thank God for making us just as we are. Place and X on the continuum below to describe your current feelings about your body.

My body is cursed with flaws.                                   My body is a good gift.

Imagine for a moment that the placment of the X above was made not by you but by someone you love - a child, a friend, a sister. How would the placement of the X make you feel? What would you want to say to this person? How might you pray for them? Are these things you could say to yourself, pray for yourself?
Don't define yourself by those things. You are created perfectly! You have a body that is so strong and able to do so many things! Don't undermine that because you think one thing could change. Remember you were created to God, he knit you together in your mothers womb he made you just the way he wanted  you. Are you saying God made a mistake? I would pray that they would see who they truly are, a creation of God made by him. And that they would realize that it doesn't matter is their nose is big, they are pasty, they have kankles God knew what he was doing when he made them and he doesn't made mistakes. And that they are loved just the way they are. I need to tell myself these things.

5. Lysa describes the freedom and redemption she felt when she discovered the benefits of her larger ankles. Have you ever thought about your physical flaws from this perspective? What might be the hidden benefits to the physical features you wish you did not have?
Because my weight has always been my biggest issue physically it's hard for me to think of it as something good. But I guess I could say I could have gotten into more trouble as a skinny. Maybe started dating and making poor decisions there. Or maybe I would have put more emphasis on myself and how I look and to keep in shape and wouldn't have learned the importance of serving others. 

6. If someone offered to grant you one of the following wishes, which one would you choose? How do you imagine your life might change as a result of either choice?
The second one hands down. I know that is I don't get to a place where I'm good with my body flaws and all I will just find something else I don't like when my weight is where it should be. 
  • Instant and painless cosmetic surgery to change one thing about your physical appearance.
  • A permanent reorientation of how you think and feel about your body that would enable you to say wholeheartedly, "I've found my beautiful. And I like my beautiful."

1. My exercises water and food were on target! 

Lord, I thank you for your love. I thank you that you made me as you wanted me and that even with my imperfections I was made perfect and uniquie. I pray that I would see myself as your creation, your child and not as the girl who needs to lose 70 pounds. Lord I thank you that you have given me this struggle. Lord, I know you allow things to happen at the right time and I thank you that you never make mistakes. Lord, O may never know why you allowed me to be fat for so long before you changed my heart but Lord I know there were/are reasons and for your grace I thank you. Lord. I pray today that you would give me strength to say yes and no and to know what is beneficial and what isn't. Lord, I pray that today you would show me yourself and reveal to me more of myself. Thank you Jesus for the success I have been given in this process. Amen

Verse of the day:
For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.

Psalm 139:13-14

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Made To Crave Day 17

I've been feeling a little down with my eating plan this last week. I haven't been making horrible choices I'm just having a hard time coming up with good ones. I don't really even feel like eating the bad ones but when I eat what I'm supposed to I don't feel like I'm doing well either. It's weird, I can't really explain it all that well. I have been sick and am now recovering so I don't know if that's part of it or if I just need to really buckle down and push hard to follow my plan to a T. I've also been retaining water like crazy! not too sure what that's about. But I wonder if the real reason is I'm really antsy, I leave in 3 days for vacation and I'm setting myself up to fail there. I have a bad tendency to stop exercising and eating well just before I go away and then it gives me an excuse to screw up as much as I want while I'm gone and just get back at it once I'm home.... or in 6 months. I'm not doing that this time! I'm prepared! But I just wonder if some of these feelings of defeat are coming from past defeats. Because I can tell you I have been on plan and I plan on staying there because my relationship with Christ is more important then cookies and tacos.

Chapter 7 question time!
1.What mode do you kick into when you feel like you don't measure up?
I give up. When I eat one ting i shouldn't I just give up I figure that since I wasn't perfect what's the point. This is something I know know about myself and it's something I've tried to stop because it really does effect so many areas of my life. 

2. If you could clearly hear God's words to you throughout the day, what kind of things would you hope to hear Him say? What, specifically, would you like to hear him say when you are struggling with food choices or issues related to your weight?
That he would remind me of my true worth. That I'm not worthy of love because of what I do or who I am but because he made me. He loves me and that is enough. I don't need everyone to like me I don't need to do everything for everyone else to get their praise. 
Andrea, you are not defined by your size, you are not defined by your physical limitations, you are not defined by the amount you exercise or what you eat. You are defined in me. You are my child, I made you, you are worthy of love, you are loved. Getting healthier spiritually and physically is awesome but don't let your weight or your health define you, let me define you. 

3. Do you feel you have everything you need from God in order to overcome your struggles with food? Or is this one of those truths that looks good on Bible paper but doesn't seem to impact your everyday life (2 Peter 1:3)? How might your relationship to food change if you could fully embrace this truth?
Some days I feel like I do and some days it doesn't feel so real. But I KNOW I do! I know god has equipped me with everything i need! So when I dont' feel it I just have to trust in him. If I could fully embrace this truth, with food, I feel I wouldn't have these days when I'm down on myself, when I'm stressed about traveling or when I'm just not feeling like it's working.  

4. How do the numbers on the scale impact your self-worth? If Lysa's statement one you can make with full confidence or is it something you aspire to but haven't quite reached?
They definitely still have a hold on me. Yesterday I got on the scale and I was up a pound, this didn't make me happy, after all I'm actually following my plan. But I can see it's grip slipping! I was able to have peace yesterday knowing that a) I have been eating what I'm supposed to and b) I've been retaining water since I've been sick so it just needs to flush out. I also lost 3 pounds last week and it was nice but it didn't have that same Wahoo look what i did feeling I usually get. It was more a good, that's working! feeling. I know that these little victories are huge and I'm so grateful for them but I know that I'm not there yet where the number means nothing to me. I can't wait to get there!

5. What self-defeating thoughts or hurtful comments from others routinely run through your mind when it comes to food and your weight? What insights and perspectives do you gain when you scrutinize them with these questions:
I still have the is it worth it thought some times. Like is it worth all this work? Is it worth giving up some of the things I love? I still think sometimes when I get to a certain weight then I'll be beautiful, then i'll be more confident, then I'll be ready to take more chances. I have been trying to not even give those lies a chance to sink in. when one comes my way I tell it yes it's worth it. or my weight doesn't change who I am if I want to change that then I'm going to have to work through other things to get there. My thoughts have honestly been more about God. sometimes begging him for help. Sometimes questioning why, sometimes just thanking him for this opportunity but my thinking abbits are also heading in the right direction! 
  • Is this true?
  • Is this beneficial?
  • Is this necessary?
1. got all my water!  
2. got all my exercise in! 

Lord, today I don't want to pray for myself, I don't want to pray about my weight loss and struggle besides to say I give it to you today. Lord, today I want to take this time to pray for Mr. Molly. Lord he is so sick and it doesn't look promising. Lord, I know that you are the great physician you can heal him, you can heal him in a way the Dr's would say could never happen. Lord, I pray that you would do this that your healing hand would be upon him and that miracles would start to happen. Lord, revive him! Lord, I understand if this is not your will and if it's not Lord, be with his family comfort them in their time of loss. Lord, help this be a time where they can unite and support each other. Lord, if your plan is different then their hopes help them to see that you are good and that your plans are greater then they know. Lord, be there with them right now, giving them a peace that passes understanding and Lord, help them to be a blessing to those around them even in this incredibly hard time of their life. Lord, I life this whole family up to you and I pray that you would be glorified in whatever the outcome may be. Amen

Verse of the day:
Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?
“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendour was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. 
Matthew 6:25-34

Monday, February 3, 2014

Made To Crave Day 16

Today we were to read chapter 7 I'm Not Defined By The Numbers. It was a little of a challenge o read but it's going to be harder to actually get there in my life. I don't own a scale so that's really been helpful! I weigh in once a week at the gym when I meet with my coach to go over my work outs and eating for the week. I also weigh in once a week, usually Mondays, at my mom's house to make sure I'm on track for Thursday. Okay and then sometimes, often, I weigh in Thursday am at my mom's so I know what to expect when I get to my meeting. I however don't feel that this is an unhealthy amount to weigh myself what I need to get to is not dreading the scale. Not rating my successfulness from it. I can say I feel I 'm starting to take steps in that direction. Last week I was down 3 pounds and  as much as I thought that was nice it didn't give me that same I DID IT! feeling that I used to get. It was more of a okay it's working. I would love to get to the point where the number really doesn't mean much to me. I know that I need to know the number to make sure I don't need to change how Im eating, but I really would love to get to that point where 1000% I just need to number to see if I need to make changes to my diet not because I feel like it's defining any part of me.

I absolutely love this song on days when I can't see who I am in Christ it really reminds me I'm not defined by my situation but by my Lord!

Exactly who am I in Christ?
  1. I was made by God to do good works. Works that were already figured out before I was born. Ephesians 2:10
  2. I am a New creation! 2 Corinthians 5:17
  3. I am a joint heir with Christ! Romans 8:17
  4. I am an overcomer! Revelations 12:11 
  5. I am strengthened with might according to God's powers. Colossians 1:11
  6. I am a Child of God. John 1:12
  7. I am a friend of Jesus. John 15:15
  8. I am the aroma of Christ. 2 Corinthians 2:15

I will no longer be defined by the number on the scale or the size of my pants but rather by my Lord Jesus and all of the things I am in Him!

Lord, I pray that this would come to me. Lord, I know for lysa it took time for her to get to this place and I know it may take me more time but I pray that eventually I would get there and I'd be amazed by you and the lack of power my size has on me. Lord I thank you that I can already see that coming to fruition and I pray that it would continue to do so. Lord, if there are things I need to do to get there please show me. Show me where my identity truly is and show me what steps I need to take to get there. Lord, I thank you for your truths that I am a new creation, I am a joint heir with Christ, I have strength! Lord all of these things and so many more are the real me not 217 pounds or a size 16. Lord, as I go on today I pray that you would help me to make good, healthy choices. That I would work hard as I go to the gym, walk and run. That I would be a light to you today. That as I eat and exercise Lord that I would do it to bring glory to you. That I would be doing it so that I can serve you better. That I would be doing it as an act of obedience to you. I know Lord that you command to me to care for my body, you command to to treat it as a temple. Lord, I'm sorry I haven't done that please forgive me and please help me to see it as that. Lord, today give mr the strength and wisdom I need. Lord, give me decrement and self-control and Lord, when those aren't enough please Lord come and carry me through. Thank you Lord that you are giving me hard things to do. that you are growing and stretching me and thank you that you are changing me from the inside out. Lord, help me to be a blessing today. Amen 

1. drank lots of water yesterday and uncaffeinated tea 
2. Went to church even though I didn't want to at the time.