It's here! It's finally here! Today is the first day of the Made to Crave online Bible study. I'm very nervous, I have fears that it's not going to work and I'm going to come out as hopeless as I am now. But then there's the other part of me that is saying FINALLY! This is going to be dealt with! I'm going to figure out how to put God as the god in my life and how I'm going to WANT to do this.
Week 1 Word: Empowerment
Week 1 Verse: Psalm 84:2, My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the Lord, my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God.
My Prayer: Lord, you know that this isn't the first time I've read this book. This isn't the first time I've seen a need to change where I'm at in my life and how I rely on food so greatly. Lord, even yesterday I can see the lack of control I have towards food. If it's there I'll eat it and even when Im telling myself no it still happens. Lord, I 'm so done living like this. I don't care if I'm a size 2 and ripped I just want to be at the point where I don't NEED food. Lord, if I yearned for you the way I yearn for food how amazing would that be? If I couldn't get enough of you and would randomly sit down to read your word, pray etc. just because I was needing more of you, WOW! Lord, that's what I want, I want to want you. I want to crave you so much I just can't seem to get enough. Lord, with food it always leaves me wanting more and feeling emotionally empty. Lord, I want to want you more and more but I know in doing that I won't feel empty and broken I'll feel whole and full of you! Lord, I know you promise that he who comes and drinks from your fountain will never be thirsty again. I want that. Lord I thank you for making me with such strong desires, such strong cravings. Lord, I'm sorry that these haven't been used to worship you or for their true meaning but rather for sin. Lord, I constantly sin against you when I choose food. When food is more then a fuel for my body when it's my craving and my passion I'm wrong to give in. Lord Please forgive me and help me as I take steps in this. Lord, over this next 6 weeks with the help of this study and these ladies Lord break my love for food, "fitness", the numbers on the scale and Lord renew a passion in my heart for you and I know that if I desire you first in my life those other things are going to be manageable and that they are going to be used to fuel my work for you. Lord, I thank you that you don't give up and that you will never give up on me. I thank you that you know everything about me and that I can be real with you. I pray Lord that my desire, my craving for you would grow and that Lord you would once again regain your role as Lord of my life. Lord, help me to find a healthy place for food, the scale and fitness in my life. A place where they will serve there purpose as fuel and the means to a stronger, healthier body not as a means to worth, happiness or to fill me. Thank you for your unfailing faithfulness. Amen
Memorize the verse of the week
Pray before I eat anything
Crave God MORE then food
Do 6 things that I find hard but that are worth pushing through
I know it's only day 1 but the fact that I was able to clearly see my dependence on food and how out of control it has become is huge for me! Now that I can really see it I can see my need for a true deep change. Thank you Jesus!
*So a little sub note on the running. I know that this is first and foremost a struggle to overcome bad eating and replace it with Jesus Christ but I also want this for me to be out of my comfort zone. For me to do doing things that I don't find comfortable and easy. As I have said before I am very much a comfort and lazy person when it comes to life. I don't want to be that person who's content to sit around doing nothing because it's easy. I don't want to be that person who gives up, or only has themselves do things they know that they can do. I want to start pushing myself and show myself that with God on my side I don't need comfortable. This study is one of those things, I'm comfortable being 225lbs and eating what I want when I want to. But I know that settling in that is A) ruining my relationship with Christ and B) turning me into a person who is losing their zeal for life. So back to running, I don't feel that I need to be the best runner I just know that God doesn't want me to be settling for a mediocre life because it's an easy life he wants me to be able to push through the hard times, and when I can't do that he doesn't want me giving up, he wants me to learn on him and allow him to get me through those times.